Tastes change. Fashions come and go. Skirts get longer. Trousers get shorter. But there’s one trend in the gay scene that seems to have surpassed all of gay society’s fashion faux pas- Daddy Issues. This patriarchal idea that men just keep getting better with age. Hugh Jackman, George Clooney, Alec Bawldwin (shit, maybe they are my issues) and James Brolin (oh fuck I have Grandaddy issues, note to self- follow five twinks on instagram immediately) to name but a few.
Where do DI (Daddy Issues) stem from though? Emotionally distant fathers? Priming from the media? The 80s? (Tom Selleck. I’ll leave you with that image for a minute.) Who knows? But they’re here and they’re real.
My dad worked away on the oil rigs when I was younger and so I saw him all in all for about half the year. He loved me. I know that he loved me, the way every only-boy-in-the-family who grows up to be in not one but three musicals involving drag queens knows his daddy loves him (sorry Daddy). We had a rocky period (if rocky eludes to being kicked out of school and just generally being a little cunt) in my teenage years as I was miserable in my home town and craved the bright lights (and hot daddies. Kidding) of London. We had and still have a pretty great relationship, he’s a man of very few words which is perfect because I LOVE to talk.
Upon moving to London I did actually immediately date an older man. I was 19 he was 34. But he was rich. I mean LOADED. And it was fun and easy and meant not having to ever pay for my own drinks. Which at 19 is soooooooo great. The term sugar daddy is used in the gay world a lot. So I guess he was my Sugar Daddy except he didn’t pay my rent (my real Dad did) and I didn’t have a Louis Vuitton bag with a puppy in it (it was Gucci).
I have a few friends who have really bad/good/sexually impressive DI. The kind of friends that leave lube out for Santa, you know the type. These guys see older attractive men in the street and tick a box (get a boner), if they have a wife or a family or heaven forbid they’re pushing a pram- an ACTUAL Daddy- they tick an even bigger box (bigger boner), like a Barbie that entices kids to buy her because of an exciting accessories, like a handbag or new shoes, or in some progressive areas of the world a degree (fucking feminists).
I also had some friends with reverse DI. By this terminology’s standards they have Baby Issues or Child Issues but that all sounds a little ’80s TV presenter-ey’ so lets call them reverse DI. Attractive (they have to be attractive. Them’s the rules kid) older men who are excited by the energetic power of youth. Some of these reverse DI guys won’t even date a man who isn’t atleast 15 years younger than them. Luckily most of these guys are over 40 so we’re not encroaching on the ’80s TV presenter-ey’ thing again. I can understand what these men get from these blooming flowers of post pubescent hormones. The fresh boyish good looks, the vibrancy of innocent eyes viewing the world and being their plus one at GAY Late. I also understand what guys my age or younger get from older men. Experience, probably a damn good drinks cabinet, and being their plus one at XXL (essentially the same joke).
And what with the ever popular ‘Dad Bod’, this new way of heterosexual men being lazy shits and still staying ‘sexy’ creeping it’s way into the gay scene (I’m digging it, you should meet this Daddy at work, note to self- plot ways to kill said Daddy’s hot wife) the DI seems to be on the rise. Note no one is raving about ‘Mum Bod’ with her saggy tits and her ruined vagina, no, women are not allowed this luxury. Long live the Dad Bod!
There’s even a night in Dalston called ‘Daddy Issues’ ran by Ollywood and the super cool club DJ and producer Borja Peña, a tongue in cheek poke of fun/celebration of these men with DI (grabs his Gucci bag and tiny puppy ready for a night on the town).
In my late 20s have (un)fortunately laid whatever residual DI I had to rest in an unofficial ceremony for which I had to grow some stubble for and burn one of my childhood toys whilst watching Magnum P.I. I’m much more turned on by guys around the same age as me now, who are driven and still have something to prove. I’m no longer looking for that quick fix solution to who’s gonna pay my factory conversion mortgage and keep me dressed in my finery (finery= mostly Cos, I’m a poor actor). Speaking of which I have a show to do tonight. That Scandi minimalist look won’t pay for itself.
But before that, maybe just one little message to a very sexy ‘Daddy’ in Germany. He knows who he is. Mainly cause I will tell him. Maybe my DI ceremony didn’t work. I’ll write to the Jimmy Saville Foundation for a refund.
See ya later studs